TRANSITION. What a daunting word, yet a word full of hope, of new possibilities, of change. 2020 has been a challenging year for most, if we’re putting it lightly. But if I turned back the clock to January 1, 2020 and you asked me what my feelings were for the upcoming year? I was excited, ready for my husband to be out of active duty military so we could settle down, but of course acknowledging that the grass wouldn’t always be greener on the other side, and knew 2020 would have it’s tough moments. But I sure didn’t realize I personally would feel my soul go through such transition…

If you have any connection with the military, especially as a spouse of a military member, you get it; it’s a whole different world. That world is so good at times but also so hard. My husband spent the whole first year of our first daughter’s life away from us, as he was stationed in Korea. That was the catalyst that sent both he and I into considering him leaving the Army. We moved to Oregon and the provision God laid out for us here confirmed this is where we were supposed to establish roots as a family.

We’re now about 4 months into my husband out of the Army, wrapping up the craziest year, and I am taken aback by what I’m feeling, how I’m struggling, if we are being honest. My husband is working night shift at a job he doesn’t love and that is bringing in nothing close to what military pay was, I’m experience a stirring in my heart to figure out what I want to do and accomplish with the gifts God has given me, and I know the best is yet to come, but when I’m in the middle of the daily grind, man it’s hard to believe that!

Micah 7:7 says, “But I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.” I have worked through a lot of my past this year. I’ve learned as an adopted child I experienced trauma, despite how “good” of an adoption story I have. That trauma will affect me for the rest of my life, and I’m learning that accepting that has brought me a freedom I haven’t experienced before. To accept that I’m broken and to accept there’s not a fix, I don’t have to keep striving for this ever alluding fix. Instead, I can focus on everyday learning to thrive despite my shortcomings, by the grace and strength of Jesus. And man there are rough days, but there are also great days. I’m also learning that instead of putting the walls up with God, with my husband, with my kids when things get hard, I need to lean into them. There will never be a fix to all of life’s issues this side of heaven, but I can look with HOPE to the God of my salvation because HE WILL HEAR ME. Amen!

Have you experienced a big transition in your life? How did you see God’s hand working in the midst of it? How did you feel on the flip side, when it was said and done? I would love to hear in the comments.